KU Season in Review
Late Night A bright star in the eastern sky leads 16300 wise men for their first glimpse of the babe. One fan in attendance, Jordan Michael announces he is turning pro which is unusual because he is a 4 year old “can’t miss” KU recruit.
Pitt St. Naadir Tharpe missed the game, which is only unusual because many of the games he missed this year he was actually on the floor.
Fort Hays To get fans and players ready for the tighter foul calling, officials whistle assistant Norm Roberts for slapping his son on the tush as he is sent into the game for mop up duty. Niko misses both FT’s.
Louisiana Monroe Reality TV meets big time college hoops. Monroe based Duck Dynasty asks the NCAA if their stars can meet at half court for a post game prayer with all of the players, girlfriends, coaches, wives, cousins and neighbors before a giant spread of boiled crawfish. In fact they cancelled the game so they could set up the court. Fans are disappointed but understanding.
Duke It’s a BIG GAME with BIG STARS who had only played TWO COLLEGE GAMES between them. KU proves it’s a BIG TIME TEAM by winning a game that started at 9:15 CST.
Iona This game was also played.
Towson Andrew White scored 13 points! KU fans spend the rest of the season wondering why he didn’t play more.
Bahamas 1 Winning ugly against Danny’s future team. Tarik gets stuck in waterslide after game. Joel catches, snaps in half and then eats a barracuda. Bahamas 2 Losing ugly against 'Nova. We wouldn’t have lost this game if we’d had Doug McDermott, that’s all I’m saying. Joel catches a shark noodling style after coach showed him that TV show on Oklahoma catfish noodlers. Bahamas 3 Winning ugly against UTEP. Self vows to never go back to Bahamas again, or at least play in discotheques turned into basketball gyms. Joel attacks a gator, but loses. The Babe warms up for Stanford by scoring 6 points.
Colorado Self does a favor to former KU player Tad Boyle and lets him win. Self sneaks over to the Colorado huddle and draws up a perfectly executed 3 pointer. Tarik fouls 3 in 3 minutes, a new record.
Florida Domestic terrorists take over ESPN and let two nerdy high school freshmen play the game on playstation, and get it broadcast fooling us all. The kid playing for KU had poor hand/eye coordination causing a PS2 record for turnovers, but he sure new how to get the Babe going when it was too late. (one of whom was being recruited by KU but turned pro immediately after the ‘game’)
New Mexico Joel ruins the future for KU fans by scoring 18 and blocking 4 shots and becoming a sure lottery pick.
Georgetown Tarik gets a call from his Momma telling him “you best not come home for Christmas if you don’t get your game in gear.” The call from his Momma never really happened, it was from coach using his best momma voice.
Toledo KU tried out their new matador capes they’d received as Christmas gifts and let Toledo score 83 points.
**San Diego St. ** A big time team that never wins in March shocks 163000 KU fans by coming out in the pregame shootaround and rebounding every miss on both ends of the floor. KU’s babes don’t know how to respond.
10th Big 12 championship
OU The babe who hasn’t played but didn’t get a redshirt makes some big shots. The coach acknowledges it was a mistake, he didn’t mean to put him in. In the rematch KU forgets they are the team to beat and make OU feel good about losing.
KState KU routs the mildcats. KU fans, only two games since their last loss, declare KU the team to beat in March/April. In the rematch at the octagon of Dumb KU makes the comeback for the ages, except they lost.
ISU Fred’s boy cries again as the 'Hawks kill are Able to kill Kane and the 'Clones. In the rematch. Same thing. In the rerematch, the 'Clones and Kane are Able.
OSU The babes defeat their baby who does a flop at mid court instead of a flip. In the rematch March madness begins as KU gives OSU 22 gifts. Smart doesn’t need to flop or flip because of the generous babes. In the rematch, the biggest play of the year happens when Joel gets lassoed to the ground by a Cowgirl and hurts his back. KU is dethroned as the team to beat.
In a new low, one antler shows up for a Missouri game against Auburn.
Baylor The Bears bring their coach to the first two matchups of the teams and lose. One of their players is heard saying “Next time, let’s lock him in Heslips locker”
TT The Babe has a career highlight making a one foot shot to win a game against a team that has given up one foot shots for the last 52 years. 46 TT fans go home disappointed. In the rematch Everyone makes one foot shots and Keegan pronounces (I’m not making this up) “There’s no need to rush Joel Embiid’s return” KU fans offer Keegan to Missouri.
WVU The hillbillies with fast guards and always with players with full beards split the season with the Babes who are not fast enough or old enough to shave. Huggins was caught smiling when the hillbillies had a 30 point lead but then his Momma texted him and told him to wipe it off his face.
Texas The only relevant item about Texas is if Turner decides to come to KU instead of Texas. Our season split with them doesn’t matter.
Western Hillbillies Not wanting to join Duke (LOL, Haha, TeeHee) and Misery (TeeHee, Haha and LOL) as two seeds losing to 15s KU remembers they have Connor whose contributions led coach to wonder why he hadn’t put him in the rotation more often this season. Coach was heard asking Norm Roberts, “Who’s that kid down at the end of the bench, our manager? Do you think he could help?”
Smart kids who are also tall and long. KU’s season sadly ends prematurely as the babes can’t get the job done. The Babe earns national ridicule when he reveals that he and his lookalike brother at Wichita actually switched teams for that Sundays games “as a harmless prank”.
Post script. KU loses 10 games. The babes realize that between them in four years or so of high school ball they’ve lost only 7 times. One of them is overheard saying “I’m going pro so I can play on a team that will never lose.”
Some Fiction Some Malice
@wissoxfan83 I know you spent some time on this, but IMO, didn’t think it was funny. Wigs had to go somewhere, glad he came here! I think we reap those benefits for quite awhile. I’m not a huge OAD fan, but I want the best bb players and the best quality young men, like Wigs, Embiid and Tarik! As far as Conner goes, we all know there’s more to bb than shooting. I think it was a home OU game, he fouled a 3 pt shooter(4 pts) then a 2 pt shooter(3pts) all in 2 possessions. I could feel his pain. I know there were times he turned down shots when coach put him in TO shoot. I have no doubt he will prove himself, hopefully next year! I’m looking forward to next year, we have some exciting guys here and new ones coming in. Rock Chalk!
Spring break, sitting around bored, had to do something! Sorry you didn’t find any humor in it. I was really just trying to play off of people’s perceptions of our team instead of what reality really was.
@wissoxfan83 no big deal!!! I try to keep an open mind!
@wissoxfan83 I think you did a great job. It was a LOT less cynical than the version that runs through my head.
@wissoxfan83 I enjoyed the read-thanks.
Total gut-buster! Great job, wissox!
Hope you continue posting humor… maybe consider putting this into a regular format under a catchy heading.
It is all your fault that I will now continue to follow Badger ball!
Hope they can make it back to the FF next year!
Thanks for the kind words! I can’t contribute with strategies other than things like ’we need to play better defense’ or ‘coach should play the best players for a change’, so I got to come up with lame things like this!
Funny… for me it is easier outlining bogus bball strategies than to write something witty.
We can use more wit in here. I’ve got the dimwit area covered!
Lame on, my friend!
@wissoxfan83 good thing you don’t listen to me!
@wissoxfan83 Very creative! I admire creativity since I have none. Good stuff.
@wissoxfan83 Well done! I especially enjoyed your pithy analysis of the Iona game.
Another thread made me rewatch the last border war game, AGAIN! Man that team could really D up. It was night and day compared to this past season. Their effort really stood out, especially Kevin Young and T Rel…but all of them really.
I actually saw someone jump the passing lane, forgot that was even an option! Tyshawn looked like the greatest PG of all time compared to…oh well whatever never mind…
Funnier on pixels than most.
It is fun to reminisce about KU teams that actually played the game with great skill! That’s in no way a slam against this years team. We were so darn young we just never could really figure it out.
@wissoxfan83 Enjoy the ride!