Coping Suggestions for Weathering KU's Short Bench the Rest of the Season

  • There are a lot of different opinions about why KU has experienced an apparent shortfall of OAD/5-star 1s and 5s in comparison to other elite programs the last 8-9 years since KU 2008 ring team.

    There are a lot of different opinions about what the drivers are of the current lack of depth of of this year’s KU Jayhawk men’s basketball team.

    There are a lot of different opinions about whether reinforcements will EVER arrive, and whether those reinforcements would really make a contribution, if they ever arrived.

    Alas, while the debates continue, we fans must, unfortunately, find coping mechanisms for dealing with the peril the team faces the rest of the season, due to a “thin” front court and a 4- man perimeter that routinely plays 35-40 mpg against even mid rank majors like Texas Tech.

    Here are some coping suggestions for the coming months.

    1. Find a superb tea blend that masks the taste of bulk, powdered oxycodone.

    2. Distract oneself from the middle 20 minutes of each game with a game of solitaire and serial bong rips, (but only if one lives in a state where pot is now legal).

    3.While listening to Annie Lennox and the Eurythmics wail “Would I Lie to You, Honey?” Consult a licensed tarot card reader and ask for KU’s fortune against the day’s opponent.

    1. Whenever KU does not have a comfortable lead with ten to go, begin IV drip of Diprivan.

    2. Keep a large assortment of comfort food in a lockable safe until Udoka Azubuike gets fouled up, then gorge oneself till the final buzzer.

    3. Learn to oil paint real time still life’s of KU walking the ball up the floor.

    4. Learn to appreciate the fine points of player lingerie.

    5. Savor one time vertically explosive athletes learning to play a horizontal game.

    6. Practice dribbling blindfolded during Azubuike free throw attempts.

    7. Start a betting pool at the office about how many times Svi will get beaten to baseline.

    8. Offer a slice of crimson and blue cheese cake to the person that correctly guesses how many minutes it will take Devonte to run out of gas.

    9. Use a square foot of 5/8" plywood covered with memory foam to head bang on each time Clay Young has to come in a game.

    10. (Thirteen is an unlucky number and so no coping mechanism with that number will be supplied in a season when KU needs all the luck it can get, and so does a fan.)

    11. Make an altar of support lingerie and set it on fire just prior to tip-off to appease the injury gods.

    12. Grit your teeth and show determination.

    (Note: all fiction. No malice.)

  • Ample applications of Bushmills Honey helps

  • Bushmills Irish Red whisky, liberally applied during the 1st half…

  • I’ve used scotch in the past but that could get expensive fast this year!

  • @benshawks08 Single malt is still worth it.

  • I quit drinking 29 years ago, but after that last home loss i’m re-considering.

  • @mayjay

    If you can find one for a reasonable price…

  • Bourbon, preferably at least 7 years old.

  • crown and coke or jack and crown…some tequila shots are good too.

  • Always Pepsi during a game. The can has the right colors. 😀

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