Coping Suggestions for Weathering KU's Short Bench the Rest of the Season
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There are a lot of different opinions about why KU has experienced an apparent shortfall of OAD/5-star 1s and 5s in comparison to other elite programs the last 8-9 years since KU 2008 ring team.
There are a lot of different opinions about what the drivers are of the current lack of depth of of this year’s KU Jayhawk men’s basketball team.
There are a lot of different opinions about whether reinforcements will EVER arrive, and whether those reinforcements would really make a contribution, if they ever arrived.
Alas, while the debates continue, we fans must, unfortunately, find coping mechanisms for dealing with the peril the team faces the rest of the season, due to a “thin” front court and a 4- man perimeter that routinely plays 35-40 mpg against even mid rank majors like Texas Tech.
Here are some coping suggestions for the coming months.
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Find a superb tea blend that masks the taste of bulk, powdered oxycodone.
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Distract oneself from the middle 20 minutes of each game with a game of solitaire and serial bong rips, (but only if one lives in a state where pot is now legal).
3.While listening to Annie Lennox and the Eurythmics wail “Would I Lie to You, Honey?” Consult a licensed tarot card reader and ask for KU’s fortune against the day’s opponent.
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Whenever KU does not have a comfortable lead with ten to go, begin IV drip of Diprivan.
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Keep a large assortment of comfort food in a lockable safe until Udoka Azubuike gets fouled up, then gorge oneself till the final buzzer.
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Learn to oil paint real time still life’s of KU walking the ball up the floor.
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Learn to appreciate the fine points of player lingerie.
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Savor one time vertically explosive athletes learning to play a horizontal game.
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Practice dribbling blindfolded during Azubuike free throw attempts.
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Start a betting pool at the office about how many times Svi will get beaten to baseline.
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Offer a slice of crimson and blue cheese cake to the person that correctly guesses how many minutes it will take Devonte to run out of gas.
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Use a square foot of 5/8" plywood covered with memory foam to head bang on each time Clay Young has to come in a game.
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(Thirteen is an unlucky number and so no coping mechanism with that number will be supplied in a season when KU needs all the luck it can get, and so does a fan.)
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Make an altar of support lingerie and set it on fire just prior to tip-off to appease the injury gods.
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Grit your teeth and show determination.
(Note: all fiction. No malice.)
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Ample applications of Bushmills Honey helps
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Bushmills Irish Red whisky, liberally applied during the 1st half…
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I’ve used scotch in the past but that could get expensive fast this year!
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@benshawks08 Single malt is still worth it.
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I quit drinking 29 years ago, but after that last home loss i’m re-considering.
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If you can find one for a reasonable price…
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Bourbon, preferably at least 7 years old.
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crown and coke or jack and crown…some tequila shots are good too.
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Always Pepsi during a game. The can has the right colors.
