Ok seeing as how this one feels like they have me - umm no you don't
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Ok so , seeing I hurt Ret’s feelings he feels the need to private message me and pretty much tries to blackball me and threatens by saying how I’ve told a lot of stories about myself and morals and he felt like that either it was time to tell People myself about my true moral - -OR as he says he would tell about why I was incarerated , - -I have no problem telling why.
Am I proud of why I was ? - -Hell no, do I expect anyone to understand ? Especially here, - - HELL NO. so if this what gets Ret’s rocks off then cool , I’ll let him have some self gratification enjoy there buddy.
You see back in the year 2005 I was sent to prison for indecent liberities with a minor under the age of 14. A lot going on through this time. I have never made any excuses for what happened , because there ARE NO EXCUSES for what happened. I destroyed one of my Daughters trust - - she will NEVER be able to trust again. - - I’ve had people say well people make mistakes , people change. Now while yes I have changed - -This still haunts me for what I did - there is not a day that I don’t regret those times , but again I don’t look for anybody’s forgiveness - I don’t want there forgiveness.
That was in 2005, I did 5 1/2 years in Hutch behind the walls in Maximum security , I did my time and was released in 2010, with no problems. I went through classes. I was on Parole for 3 years with an ankle bracelet My parole officers, my counselers ALL said I had done really well. - -
After I got out , I had friends that was friends before I went in. - -I told them after I got out , I said to them what had happened and said if you don’t want nothing to do with me because of this , if you don’t want to be friends after this I totally understand - and to the Person they ALL said NO they were still my friends and would always be friends, and they said they were sorry. I said I don’t need you to be sorry for me - -I don’t want you to be sorry for me, if your sorry for anybody then be sorry for her. I told them I appreciated there understanding for me. - But for what I did there was NO EXCUSE
I told my wife of soon to be 10 years right from the start , I told her that I had something she needed to know , and I told her again if you don’t want anything to do with me after this I fully understand. - -She to said she appreciated me with being forward. I told her that I thought that there was going to be anything between the two of us then she needed to know EVERYTHING , not hiding anything. she appreciated that.
My Step daughters know why I was sent to prison, they have accepted me. I’m around my grand kids ALL the time. They both have said do you really think I would allow you around the kids - - watch them by yourself if we didn’t trust you? - They have accepted me , my Grand kids mean the world to me. - All my Neighbors here where I live know I’ve been to Prison and they know why, they have kids. NONE of them feel threatened by me they have all told me. - Again they have said if we felt you was a threat/ a problem no way would you be around our kids. They actually love me , I got some that call me their brother/family. Ret come talk your shit around here - -see how they respond to you when you get on your pedestal see what kind of reaction you get from them, you may not like it to well. - - I’ve been here in the /Neighborhood for 13 years not ONE SINGLE PROBLEM with the Neighbors or Police. - - I’m doing well and have moved on. I’ve been out for 15 years and not even ONE speeding ticket or any other encounter and I STILL have family - -I STILL have as many friends as I need.
When this happened I was at the lowest point that a guy could get in his life. I had went through the Divorce - - -I had just lost my Mom - - -I/we had just been through a Bankruptcy - -I had gotten involved deep in drugs - I was lost , I was looking for love any kind of affection, IT WAS NOT RIGHT. - -so I touched where I shouldn’t touch - and I have regretted it from the time these things happened. - - It is in the past , I CAN’T change the past. - -do I regret - -hell ya I regret it, the Counseler told me right off because while I was in had to go to class and the 1st stage to recovery is admitting guilt/acceptance - - having Empathy, I DO HAVE EMPATHY .
you wanna know how bad I felt for what had happened for what I had done - - I was ready to end my life for what I had done to my little girl. - -I woke up one day , called in to work to my boss I wasn’t coming in - -I was gonna kill myself. hung up from him went over to the liquor store bought two fifths of bourbon, came back my boss pulled up and I told him to back the fuck up as I put a knife to my throat - he said OK. - went in the mobile home and promptly ha a 2 1/2 hour stand off with the police. Kept asking the Negioater all I wanted to do was talk to my brother. - In the end they told me the reason they didn’t let me was because they thought if they did that I actually would of followed through. That whole scenario ended with me cutting the Negoiaters hand. He tried reaching through the window to get my knife – I pulled back and sliced his hand. - -He or they didn’t press charges for that as he said it was as much his fault as it was mine.
It’s been 15 years since I’ve been out. I’ve been doing good. I miss my daughter, and I pay every day for what I did, but I understand. It’s my Daughter that I feel bad for, I wish I could tell her how sorry I am , this is what I live with Every day I wake up, there is not a day that goes by without thinking about her.
So there it is, RET felt the need that he was going to black mail me - -oh how he was going to tell everyone here if I didn’t do it. - - he feels the need to direct message me on here and say that if I didn’t tell then he would. - -he says I could either do that - -OR JUST LEAVE see I don’t do well with threats, so you got me to tell Ret,and I will still strive forward. I will never look back , looking back in the past does no good. - I’ve made peach with People - - the People that matter, I can’t change the past. I can only live for today. I can only give thanks o my maker for allowing me to open my eyes for yet another day and try to prove myself worthy.
Now Ret these guys may not want to associate with me - -that’s ok I understand. Yet they know I’ve told the story, now hope that makes you happy. I’m not hiding anything, never have never will. Really didn’t think that my personal life pertained to this site. I’m still here and as long as I am I will voice my views - - my opinions and I will always remain a member of Jay Hawk Nation whether it’s here or somewhere else. If that made you feel more of a MAN by direct messaging me then you really are A LITTLE LITTLE MAN , you get butt hurt by what someone says you resort to tatics such as this? - - God help you.
As far as the rest of you guys, I will always consider you as good friends here and knowligible ones at that. hope you all have a great day - just stay safe. yet as always ROCK CHALK ALL DAY LONG BABY
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@jayballer73 You did a horrible thing. You know it. You’re sorry. There should be a place you can move on and be a better person. People should be allowed to change.
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@approxinfinity said in Ok seeing as how this one feels like they have me - umm no you don't:
@jayballer73 You did a horrible thing. You know it. You’re sorry. There should be a place you can move on and be a better person. People should be allowed to change.
Yes I did do a horrible thing, there is no fixing that, that’s what I’ve tried to do - - move on, yet I still live with it and I know that I should, be that reminder that what did there is no place for. Believe me I have changed. - Thanks buddy. If I get booted out of this site because of this and upset people I perfectly understand - - no grudges people have been good here and I appreciate everybody believe it or not. - - I know may not seem like it at times but enjoy the time here, this is my solitude. - if you feel the need no problems buddy have a great night. - - ROCK CHALK ALL DAY LONG BABY
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@jayballer73 I knew it a couple of years ago. Found it out by accident (long story not relevant here), and decided it was not something to share here as you seem to have rebuilt your life.
But my experiences in life have reduced the surprise from such things, although certainly not the dismay they happen. I specialized in abuse and neglect in law school and represented kids, parents, and Dept of Social Services in law school. I represented over 100 soldiers charged with the same, or worse. A close friend married a woman whose brother was registered. Other friends have shared experiences too numerous to mention.
All in all, I have been exposed to such stories for 40 years and have learned much about the psychological causes, and effects, of abuse. An overwhelmingly common aspect is how often substance abuse is involved. Usually depression and emotional trauma, self-medicated by alcohol and drugs to stop the pain.
Unfortunately, humans are flawed and inflict their pain on others, as you have admitted. I cannot sit in judgment on your sincerity–I had clients who were more abject in their remorse when testifying, but told me after serving time they had lied and really didn’t give a shit about their victims, so I learned not to endorse anyone. But I can say that I have no reason to doubt you so, if your story is true, I do feel sorry for you and your daughter for all you both have lost.
You haven’t asked for advice, but I do want to suggest that you try to restrain your angry reactions when someone disagrees, corrects you, or even seems to attack you. You seem to still be carrying a lot of anger, and it feels like a hot poker is flying out of the screen when I read some of your replies (not to me, I realize). When you are tempted to let fly, try writing your reactions and then erasing them, followed by a cooling off period. It can help in not provoking idiots into getting into a ranting war where they just get a kick out of trolling you. And you don’t always have to reply when they try.
Good luck. May your rehab efforts be successful.
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@mayjay said in Ok seeing as how this one feels like they have me - umm no you don't:
@jayballer73 I knew it a couple of years ago. Found it out by accident (long story not relevant here), and decided it was not something to share here as you seem to have rebuilt your life.
But my experiences in life have reduced the surprise from such things, although certainly not the dismay they happen. I specialized in abuse and neglect in law school and represented kids, parents, and Dept of Social Services in law school. I represented over 100 soldiers charged with the same, or worse. A close friend married a woman whose brother was registered. Other friends have shared experiences too numerous to mention.
All in all, I have been exposed to such stories for 40 years and have learned much about the psychological causes, and effects, of abuse. An overwhelmingly common aspect is how often substance abuse is involved. Usually depression and emotional trauma, self-medicated by alcohol and drugs to stop the pain.
Unfortunately, humans are flawed and inflict their pain on others, as you have admitted. I cannot sit in judgment on your sincerity–I had clients who were more abject in their remorse when testifying, but told me after serving time they had lied and really didn’t give a shit about their victims, so I learned not to endorse anyone. But I can say that I have no reason to doubt you so, if your story is true, I do feel sorry for you and your daughter for all you both have lost.
You haven’t asked for advice, but I do want to suggest that you try to restrain your angry reactions when someone disagrees, corrects you, or even seems to attack you. You seem to still be carrying a lot of anger, and it feels like a hot poker is flying out of the screen when I read some of your replies (not to me, I realize). When you are tempted to let fly, try writing your reactions and then erasing them, followed by a cooling off period. It can help in not provoking idiots into getting into a ranting war where they just get a kick out of trolling you. And you don’t always have to reply when they try.
Good luck. May your rehab efforts be successful.
Thank you and I totally understand. what your saying But I for one do have remorse believe that. sounds like you had to deal with plenty of these type of situations so you obviously know when I speak about Empathy that I talked about.
Your right I think I did/do have a lot of pent up anger, well not nearly as much now - but on certain occasions it rears it’s ugly head. I think a lot of my Anger & depression came from having to live with the loss of my 3 month old baby boy who passed from SIDS. - - I got really mad/angry - -got really mad at GOD, felt like I had been cheated. I didn’t get the chance to enjoy my son , really ma turned my back on GOD for a long time. It’s one thing to lose a other - - a farther - - a brother or whatever, but unless you have experienced it yourself - - then people have no idea what it’s like to lose a son/daughter - totally different level. - Anyways thanks I appreciate what you had to say. - - ROCK CHALK ALL DAY LONG BABY
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@jayballer73 Your life might be a reason for the saying about how you can never understand someone until you have walked a mile in his shoes.
