@HighEliteMajor hope you don’t mind me re-posting a classic from last March?!?! I was looking for something deep w/in google drive tonite and ran across this post that I saved as a pdf for future viewing. Enjoy
3/22/13 -
HighEliteMajor 2 hours, 58 minutes ago
Didn’t get to pull this out all year, so in honor of our Border War rivals who have exited early once again:
Ask yourself this … how can a team play college basketball for over a century and NOT make it to one final four? The answer is only in Columbia ---- Dartmouth , Duequesne , Colorado , Holy Cross, Baylor, NYU, Wichita St., NC -Charlotte, SMU, Drake, Dayton , Iowa St., Seattle, and for goodness sake, Santa Clara , have all obtained Final Four immortality. But Missouri … well, they haven’t. They watch it on TV. Rooting against their rival. One wonders how, in 112 years, there can’t be at least one fluke? Incompetence can outweigh odds if it is significant. Heck, didn’t the entire tournament only have eight teams at one time? Oh, that’s right, they had to win the conference to get in. The Tigggers have attained immortality, all right, but in a way only Missouri can.
Has a school’s fans ever held a higher opinion of themselves for no apparent reason? This school hired Quinn Snyder over coach Self. MU is kind of a “mousse in the hair” school. Their previous excellent hire, Larry Smith. He didn’t have “an internet.” This school forced Norm Stewart to leave, for Quinn Snyder. Who they hired instead of Coach Self. Has anyone ever referred to the Missouri coaching tree? More like a shrub, or weed. This school rests in a state with highways in shambles, major cities are mired in urban decay, and banjos play relentlessly further south, for those seeking deliverance from misery. Canoe trip anyone? This school prides themselves on their civil war history in the border war … as a slave state. They pride themselves on the fact that they tried to convince Kansans, by murder and mayhem, to leave ranks of free states and join the Confederacy. And its basketball arena, first known as the “Paige” Sports arena, was named for a college student who attended USC, and who paid a student to do work for her … allegedly. Now it is simply Mizzou arena. Very original. Perhaps they could have harkened back to their basketball heritage, and pulled a name worthy of recognition … word is they tried. They may still be trying. Some think they may name it after their best player of all-time … Doug Smith. Right, Doug Smith. Mizzou fans are known to “storm the court” for wins … in January … against Oklahoma . They’ve been known to start the season in the top 5, only to finish in the NIT. But just making the tournament is success. Heck, just making the NIT is success. Their favorite March past-time is rooting against their rival. And their March tradition is buying and wearing t-shirts of schools that beat their rival, in the tournament that they aren’t in. But this is a school that had to run “deals” to get their basketball tickets purchased. This is a school that defines its existence by their rival’s failures. And this all makes sense to them. Missouri has their “greatest basketball season ever” in 2011-12. They don’t even win the league. They achieve not a number 1 seed, but a number 2 seed in the NCAAs – greatest season. MU then suffers the most humiliating loss in NCAA tournament history … a loss by a 2 seed to a 15 seed. As a note, KU fans did not buy Norfolk St. shirts. We were busy marching to another Final Four. And they march to the SEC, to finish 6th in basketball and 5-7 in football, 5th in a 7 team division – all in a year they proclaimed they would compete to win both titles. That’s competing, Missouri style. Now MU fans think they might want to come back.
A lack of real identity caused MU to be known as a softball school for a time, and they continue to emphasize their school of journalism. Point well taken – that is absolutely wonderful. Something south of a debate national championship, though. They are so sure about their existence that they lobbied the legislature to keep Missouri State from becoming " Missouri State ", preferring the less threatening Southwest Missouri State . Their basketball arena and football stadium are split by Champions Drive , yet has there ever been a real “championship?” I’m sorry, did you know that MU did win a national championship … in indoor track … in 1965. That’s as real as it gets in Columbia . As real as the gas station
robberies, violent crime, and crime index areas that rank 11 out of 100 … that’s right, 100 is the safest, and 11 is “Escape from New York ” … in Columbia . Their police chief, outside of his normal duties, scuffles with KU fans that simply have a banner stating “Allen Fieldhouse East” … the KU fans are booted out of the arena and arrested. Of course, our fans were later cleared by a Columbia police internal investigation. But no apology. Their fans scream bloody murder when their own player steps out of bounds, sure that the ref moved the line. Ignorant fans, they just don’t know any better. Their all-male fan grouping, the Antlers, sit around and giggle about making phone calls to opposing players’ rooms … it’s their calling card, after all … all the while spending lots of time together, in hotel rooms … not sure what the antlers are for; don’t want to know. They revel in heckling opposing players … great pastime. Their favorite lines involve bringing up that a player’s brother is disabled, or referring to one of their body parts and a player’s sister, or simply yelling obscenities with no logical end. And MU security permits it … all in good, clean fun. Their explanation? All colleges have fans like this. Of course, there was some drinking with coach Eustachy … Natty light, I hear. Has a school every had major success yanked away at the last moment like this pathetic institution? The NU football “kicked” TD (“flea kicker”) in the last seconds as fans run onto the field, thinking they had won. Tyus Edney. Did you hear me? Tyus freaking Edney! And, of course, a 5th down to defeat vs. Colorado . We have Ricky Clemons, and jail, and Carmento Floyd, and taped phone calls and ATVs, and broken ribs. Beautiful. A #1 football ranking only to get punked by a real football school. Then, the following season was to be THE season, but it crumbles without a Chase. A quarterback that digs deep in his nose, on national TV … much like Spalding. Their “best football season ever” resulted in a trip … to the Cotton bowl. They are unsure of what BCS really means. They were outmaneuvered (again by KU) for a BCS bowl, in large part because “their fans don’t travel like KU’s.” It’s a conspiracy.
It is cruel, isn’t it? MU is a school that still longingly harkens back to its confederate civil war history, that has such little tradition in any sport, that can’t ever really win anything, and that has an inflated self-image, born from latent insecurity … but deep down, they know. They know. In the end, Missouri will always shoot themselves in the foot. And they will always wish they were born a Jayhawk.
Give a jeer for Mizzou’s Tigers!
A big game loss each time we play.
Give a jeer for Mizzou’s Tigers!
And our Tigers will go down to defeat today.
We’ve got the team that flames out each time;
We’ve got the team that knows defeat!
Give a cheer for Mizzou’s Tigers!
And our Tigers will lose today!
Give a jeer for Mizzou’s Tigers!
And our Tigers will lose today!
Grrrrr Tigers.
