Would Some Experts Please Comment on the Likely NCAA Enforcement Response to the Following Hypotheticals
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After hearing of the reputed Draconian punishment meted out to the University of North Carolina for its reputed easy grading scandal, I have wondered as a fan and legal layman about how the NCAA might respond to some hypothetical future infractions by a recent national champion. Would a program receive more severe, less severe, or the same punishment as recent national champion UNC? Based on my layman’s bewilderment at the NCAA response to the UNC situation, I clearly lack the legal/regulatory compliance and enforcement expertise and insight to authoritatively comment on whether the following hypotheticals might trigger more severe, less severe, or the same punishment as recent national champion UNC received.
(NOTE: I am absolutely NOT recommending, explicitly, or implicitly, that any school, athletic department, coaching staff, coach, trainer, player, cheerleader, faculty, alumni, petroshoeco official, agent, agent runner, summer game coach, media official, big gaming official, bookie, hooker, drug dealer, sports attorney, drug mule, money launderer, Deep State official, fan, or other individual possibly involved in college basketball in any way, engage in such activities. But I feel have in good conscience to pose these hypotheticals in hopes of further clarifying for the good of the game, what sort of acts can and cannot be expected to receive similar draconian punishment. Hopefully, the legal and regulatory experts among us can weigh in as appropriate.)
What might the likely NCAA responses be to:
1.) players being allowed to graduate magna cum laude without ever attending a class in the same decade they played in? More severe, less severe, or the same as UNC?
2.) players being allowed to shoot any person through left and right eye sockets that tried to pay less than the player’s asking price for a pair of complimentary basketball shoes? More severe, less severe, or the same as UNC?
3.) coaches being allowed to begin the season with Gitmo camp, where in if any one player does not finish a drill, all players are water boarded along with Sean Hannity, who reputedly once said he would be willing to be waterboarded to raise money for a good cause? More severe, less severe, or the same as UNC.
4.) petroshoeco officials being allowed to move into NCAA headquarters and run the NCAA in favor of its favorite programs entirely without the overhead of NCAA officials? More severe, less severe, or the same as UNC.
5.) The Deep State being allowed to coopt the NCAA and use it to launder money through college sports betting needed to engineer the double overthrow of Vladimir Putin and President Trump during the cover of a covertly orchestrated USA-Russia Basketball Grudge Match? More severe, less severe, or the same as UNC?
6.) An alumni being allowed to give a recruit a Formula One Grand Prix racing car and a limited partnership interest in a new hotel-casino in Moscow, Russia? More severe, less severe, or the same as UNC.
7.) A future player being paid $100,000,000 to be the first Number One NBA draft choice after the player matriculated an NCAA member institution at the age of 6? More severe, less severe, or the same as UNC??
8.) A player being given a Nobel Prize for Economics despite having had a tutor take all his classes for him online, while Deep State fx techs generated 3D holographic imagery of him attending classes he in fact did not attend? More severe, less severe, or the same as UNC?
9.) An OAD being given the skim on every third game he plays in? More severe, less severe, or the same as UNC?
10.) An OAD being paid $500,000,000 in exchange for the University being able to market a likeness of his genitalia tatooed with the school’s shoe brand for up to 10 years after he leaves school and signs with the NBA? More severe, less severe, or the same as UNC?
11.) Going to regular classes like a regular student, studying, taking his own tests, and coming back to finish his degree, but with the university unable to exploit marketing his image until he actually graduates? More severe, less severe, or the same as UNC?
(Note: all fiction and satire. No malice.)
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All cases result in no punishment. Not enough evidence.
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jaybate 1.0 said:
At this rate NCAA will soon stand for:
Never Charge Allow Anything
Not Caring About Academics
North Carolina Annointing Association
This could be fun…
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Hey, let’s play SMU in Dealy Plaza on November 22 and reenact the Kennedy Assassination to raise money!
No! Wait! We can do more!
Let’s play St. John’s at the WTC site next September 11th, get the Deep State to reenact the thermite charges, and raise money!
No! We must do more!
Let’s play Oklahoma City U at the Site of the Murrah building and have Tim’s doppelgänger be in a holographic re-enactment and raise money!
Jesus H. Montecristo!
Can’t we just have the players go door to door offering autographs and complimentary adidas for donations and hit the same fund raising target in about three weeks…without having to play Fizzou?
Help me, help me, help me, I think I’m going insane!
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The best help I can give you is to tell you that in view of the recent events in Las Vegas, and even absents that, I find the use of very tragic events in our history to elicit laughs in very poor taste.
Perhaps it looked funny at the time you wrote it but I am sure that upon further review you will agree with me. I know you can do much better.
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Howling!
