"Some Things to Do with Longhorn Oysters After a Standing Gelding of UT in Lawrence"

  • (Warning: Coarse, vulgar, insensitive wit follows. Do not read unless you loath UT, since the uncalled throw down of a KU player in Austin)

    ~Run over them with an asphalt roller and call them Texas nano frisbees.

    ~Pound Longhorn Oysters with a meat tenderizer and sell them to Austin restaurant chefs as Longhorn Scaloppini to be sauted and then served with a chili marsala sauce and wrapped in a Longhorn hide taco.

    ~Shred one Longhorn oyster on a French mandolin and toss shredded oyster with balsamic barbecue sauce and call it a Texas Pasture Salad.

    ~Sun dry one half Longhorn oyster, sew a mouse felt brim to it and call it a Texas Trilby.

    ~Grind up Longhorn oysters and mix with alcohol from corn and call it Testehol (don’t mention the low energy density).

    ~Paint them orange and take them to a skeet shooting range and sell them as Texas clay pidgeons.

    ~Cut them into 0-rings and sell them as Texas breath mints.

    (Note: All fiction. No malice.)

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