Parsing the Latest Power Rankings

    1. Chigan State Phartans

    Coached by perennial smug thug, Ratso Izzo, the Phighting Phartans rose from third to first, despite not having faced any opposing center as good as Bamba, in preparation of being pampered the next four of five games at home. BFD!!!

    1. Flook Dew Devils

    Flook rose from 4th to 1st on a weak defense and outside shooting inferior to KU’s.

    1. Aridzone State Bowevils

    Dwarf Hurley’s overachievers that lucked out catching KU on a cold night fell inevitably from an absurdly overrated 2 to a preposterously overrated 3. The downward spiral should continue with a game against KU West aka Colorado and then increasingly mediocre Utah, which further expose the pretenders from the valley of the sun.

    1. Villareferee-ah Mildbats

    Jay Wrong’s Mildbats fell from 2 to 4 and now prepare for a hard landing against the Shrivelled East chumps they play, when other teams are playing decent competition.

    1. Xavier Mousekateers

    Inexplicably, the Mousekateers slid upwards from 6 to 5, despite losing early to Aridzone State and Lost Vegas, and then laughably falling behind 16 to hapless Depaul, before ineptitude overcame Depaul and Xavier lucked into a W.

    6.Oklahoma Mooners

    Lon Kruger’s Sooners skyrocketed from 10th to 6th on the 1-dimensional offense of Trae Young, which has made statisticians forget OU’s loss to Arkansas.

    1. North Carolina Easy Heels

    The Easy Heels incomprehensibly labored up from 8 ti 7, despite the utterly pathetic home loss to Wofford–a loss that would knock KU down into the Bottom 10, instead of up a notch. Rumors are that Easy Heel HC Boy Williams threatened to make his players write their own papers, if they refused to bounce back from Wofford.

    1. Durpue Pollipmakers

    Rising from 9 to 8, Durpue flat sucks.

    1. Arseona Maine Coons

    The Maine Coons vaulted from 15 to 9 for no particular reason, despite still smarting from three straight losses in the Bahamas.

    1. Texas Anal and Menial Sheep Dippers

    The preposterously overrated Sheep Dippers of College Station shame redeemed lady justice some by falling from 5 to 10, after being whipped mercilessly into submission by unimpressive Alabama.

    1. Chita State Chaff Schlockers

    Bottom line the Chaff Schlockers remained at 11, several slots above what they deserve. Sign Board Forehead continues to defy the odds.

    1. Kansas Jayhawks

    Grossly under ranked at 12 last week, the greatest college basketball team in the greatest game ever invented was intentionally insulted by being kept beneath all the pieces of fecal matter posing as college basketball teams listed above.

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