Best of Times/Worst of Times vs. Harvard, Or the Triumph of Frank and C5, and Near Tragedy of the 2, 3, and 4 Positions

  • (Author here [RIP/DFW]: It occurs to me that some board rats here are getting use to me calling attention to apparent hoop asymmetries and waxing positive about KU basketball and so may doubt my willingness to get down in the performance muck and bluntly praise and criticize how basketball is played by our beloved players. Here followeth a post for them.)

    Frank Mason, Jr., and Composite 5, Jr., kicked grand old Harvard’s butts.

    Frank dropped a highly efficient 21 points on the Crimson. The only criticisms of Frank were three TOs, but, amortized over 38 minutes, and coupled with 5 assists, the TOs hardly tarnished his increasingly typical Masonic performance.

    The other player to kick Harvard’s bookish booties was KU’s new super center, Composite 5, Jr., aka C5. C5’s consistency and elevated numbers mean C5 now deserves Al Maguire’s old Air Craft Carrier monicker. C5hammered Harvard inside for 14 points, 15 rebounds, 3 blocks, and 2 steals. It was frankly another all-league quality performance from c-5. The ONLY major criticism to be leveled against C5 involved three careless turn overs in only ten minutes by one of the hydra’s heads–senior Jamari Traylor, who soon enough felt the wrath of Self for said carelessness via reduced minutes.

    Without putting too fine of a cursor on it, if it had been a two on two game, KU would have cleaned the Crimson’s chronographs–analog, or digital.

    But, alas, basketball was a five on five affair with some rotation players that required a 2, 3, and 4 position player performing respectably to achieve a the appearance of a well oiled ship’s clock in barely average-sized swells out on the Ocean of Grass on which James Naismith Court and the USS Allen Field House sail.

    And there in, to stack metaphors with indiscriminate abandon, flew the ointment occupying flies.

    The buzzing quartet of flies that needed the ship’s fly swatter taken to them for their paltry contributions may be nick-named Passive Perry, No Focus Selden, Uneven Graham, and No Touch Mykhailiuk.

    We could include TO Traylor to this list, but that would be double accounting of a sort that only Skull and Bonesmen dusting ledgers of Triangle Trade could truly applaud with rum soaked gusto.

    Let us now braise infamous ballers, shall we?

    Passive Perry aka the alter ego of the team’s senior stretch 4, cornerstone and go-to-guy Perry Ellis, aka The Designer, pulled one of his increasingly rare, but still stupefying possessions of Perry Ellis’ basketball soul. Aggressiveness? Gone. Decisiveness? Gone. Taking over the game at crunch time? Fuggeddaboutit. 5-11 from the field, no 3ptas, and 2-5 from the foul line constituted over 27 minutes of Division 1 basketball on James Naismith Court, in Allen Field House, on Naismith Drive, a pitiful performance. And it occurred against–shame–a rebuilding Ivy League team coached by the barely above average ex-Dookie, Thomas Amaker (note: no, I am not an Amakisti).

    Passive Perry cleared just 4 total rebounds. Passive Perry, KU’s stretch 4, a position that should yield 9-12 total rebounds got exactly 0 offensive rebounds. Let’s put that in some perspective, shall we? In 27 minutes, Perry never even followed one of his 6 misses inside the the three point stripe and got his own rebound; that is hard NOT to do. To get on with adding perspective, in 27 minutes of college basketball, Passive Perry could not even guess where the miss of even one of his teammates, who were missing 52.5% of the time, was going to go and get their before a bunch of less athletic fellows with the same high IQs that Passive Perry possesses. Passive Perry has been Perry Ellis’ nemesis, since he first set foot on Naismith Court back when Perry still had hope of averting amateur status during the Triumph of the Idiots that is the Republican primary of 2015 so far.

    Woe is Perry Ellis; that he must still surrender his gifted body and mind to the entity known as Passive Perry. 12 points and four rebounds–the production expected from a 3 on an average day–is not going to get it done at the stretch 4.

    Perry, you may not like it, but you are the Daddy of this team. You are the Wayne Simien. The Marcus Morris. The Thomas Robinson. You are it, pal. Don’t look over your shoulder, because there is no step Daddy. Nada. Zippo. Zilch. Daddies show up no matter what. Daddies keep the lights on and the heater blowing warm enough to avoid frozen pipes. Even top 1% Daddies have to keep going to the Presidential Plunge Protection Team and getting the untraceable e-monies necessary to keep their fortunes ahead and above rising nouveaux pirate families fortunes. Daddies if all socio economic classes have to come to work EFD. On there bad days? On their bad days they work 12 instead of 8 to make up for not being as effective as usual. Daddies are not about IQ, Perry. Daddies are not about brilliance. Daddies are not about laying back against the easy opponents. Daddies are about EFD, Perry. Next.

    No Focus Selden aka OAD become TAD become 3AD become 4AD Wayne–No Focus Selden repossessed the mortal soul of our beloved, go-to wing gunner and drive-to-iron guy. The re-possession took away our best go get a basket man, Wayne Selden, Jr. No Focus Selden’s repossession of Wayne took away the closest thing we have to swag. It took away the only NBA physique on the team. It left a foul prone, 22 minute, 9 point, 2 rebound, jack of nothing and master of nothing performance. Is there a medicine for lack of focus? Even a flipping placebo? Hell, I will take hemlock for Wayne, if that’s the only way. No, wait, I’m not taking the Beezelbub Express for a guy that can’t focus.

    TO Traylor, uh, no, I already said I wouldn’t go there twice. Oh, what the hell!!! He was lolly gagging around, as if he were licking on a codeine and nembutal bomb pop.

    Uneven Graham? He is the nagging alter ego of Devonte Graham. Uneven Graham is the guy that seems to be ruling over his hair style and his hoops decision making and leading him into the valley of the shadow of inefficiency, where we, if not he, fear all evil. The only thing that spared Uneven Graham from a thorough grilling here is those four steals and 4 rebounds, god bless his defensively engaged soul.

    Which brings me last but most certainly not least to No Touch Mykhailiuk aka Svi. On a day when he was asked to take op the slack resulting from the possession of Wayne Selden Jr. by No Focus Selden, No Touch Mykailiuk occupied Svi’s optic nerves and twisted them into knots, thus leaving him to stink up the floor offensively with a 1-6 anti-shooting clinic and standing 6-8 on the perimeter and towering over most of those guarding him, No Touch Mykailiuk pulled down a whopping 1 offensive rebound and zero defensive rebounds! HOW CAN THIS BE!!! Has he caught the no rebounding virus from TO Traylor? No Touch Mykhailiuk, at 6-8. and did I say taller than his opponents, and by appearances stronger than them after Hudy-fication, also, cannot shove a single Not Ready for D1 Elite Major Harvard player off a spot and grab a defensive rebound? It is not fair for No Touch Mykhailiuk to become No Rebound Mykhailiuk, also; that violates some kind of universal basketball law that escapes me, but which must be written down somewhere.

    There is a simple solution to what occurred in Allen Field House and it involves lawnmowers and asses attached to those that staffed the 2, 3, and 4 positions. It might also require some exorcisms, if the alter egos prove intransigent about relinquishing control of the good players they inhabited.


  • Great comments. Especially regarding Ellis, Selden, and Traylor. There is no excuse for their lack of intensity and focus at this point in their college careers. This puts even more pressure on Mason to do EVERYTHING, which has to be very wearing on ones physical and mental state.

    I can give Svi a little bit of a pass, since he is still the youngest player on the entire team. I do have a concern that he believes all that is said about him being the next great European star, and might be moving into “protect the merchandise” mode, that sometimes plagued Wiggins (but Svi is not even near the same talent level).

    Graham should still play uneven. Only a sophomore, who is not ready to shoulder the load of taking over the game. But against Harvard, at least I saw him try (which is more that Ellis and Selden). He will be uneven this season, but I love his confidence and desire to make thinks happen. His defense is stellar.

  • Yikes … and I thought I was harsh at times. No punches pulled on this one.

    -“No Focus Selden aka OAD become TAD become 3AD become 4AD Wayne–No Focus Selden”

    -“Passive Perry”

    -“TO “_____”, uh, no, I already said I wouldn’t go there twice. Oh, what the hell!!! He was lolly gagging around, as if he were licking on a codeine and nembutal bomb pop.”

    -“Uneven Graham”

    -“No Touch Mykhailiuk”

    Next, indeed.

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