On the surface, this tea cozy covered pot seems the one with the fewest leaves to read.

    The short form appears to be: Perry Ellis, master designer and stretch 4, comes back for a dominant senior season and that is the end of this prediction.

    But you knew the ‘bate just wouldn’t let well enough alone, right?

    Tea leaves sometimes have second order interpretations, at least possibilities, right?

    Okay, so, suffusers and spoons to the ready, chaps, blame this one on @HighEliteMajor, okay, but not quite yet?

    First, independent of the HEM-meister, it occurs to me that unless Self signs an elite footer, or some kind of formidable Tarik Black-plug-and-play-graduated-transfer type, that Self will be facing a re-dreaming of his worst nightmare; this past season’s no back to basket scoring offense. Put another way, he could be looking at Monty Python’s All Mobile Big Man Attack Platform Driving Circus again.

    Doe Self really want that? Not.

    But unless the Thon from Thonotron realizes his destiny is with Lovellette, Chamberlain, Manning, and Embiid (who are these pussies that think KU is no longer Big Man U?), that is exactly what Self is facing.

    And, while he is facing it, recall that Self loves a draft choice 3 and a stretch 4 almost as much as he loves Cin, and that appears to be no small amount.

    So: this is where you start blaming @HighEliteMajor, who fog lifted me with his caffeinated assertion that all tea leaf dynamic analyses by yours truly aside, Oubre was jumping, period.

    So, I sez, ‘bate, it was kind of a long shot prediction and so you’ve got to play take what he gives you and transition with it, while you noodle in your inner world about optimal trey attempts and ideal actions for MAKING optimal percentages of treys. You’ve got to stay with this Power Forward forecasting consistent with sound, logical HEM’s assertion that Oubre can no more be on the roster next season than Kate Hudson in a kulotte with an adidas hip stripe.

    So what might a piecing it together genius like Self do in order to hit his marks on the stage of the 12th title pursuit—his marks being a draft choice 3 and a stretch 4 in lieu of an elite 5, or insanely, maybe even with one?

    How might he achieve a draft choice 3 and a stretch 4 on a team with no returning draft choice 3, no known incoming OAD 3, and Perry Ellis of the 39.1% trifecta efficiency for a big, but only 45.7% FG inefficiency for a big stretch type 4, baby?

    A little voice speaking seemingly in a non sequitur whispered: my son is coming back, my son is coming back.

    And then the box collapsed around me and I stepped out.

    The voice belonged to Brannen Greene’s no doubt estimable father—a man with his son, not just Georgia, on his mind.

    ‘bate, don’t even go there…don’t even think about what I believe you may be about to think about.

    It is too late.

    Blame it on HEM.

    Perry will be once again our best player next season.

    And he proved he could play the 3 by playing the stretch 4.

    And he is our best athlete among our players 6-6 or taller.

    And he could guard a three anywhere as well as he guards a 4 inside, or a stretch 4 outside.

    And he can’t play back to the basket if his life depended on it.

    But he can drive it and handle the ball, and pass it well, and hit open looks till the cows of Wichita come home to Greg Marshall’s old house before he left a for sale sign in the front yard and moved to Alabama to live with an accent he understands.

    No, ‘bate, don’t do it! DON’T SAY IT!!

    It is too late.

    Blame it on HEM.

    Perry is the only potential draft choice 3 Self can possibly have. Wayne is not a draft choice 3. He is a back up 3, maybe. Svi is not a draft choice 3 next season. He will be needed at the 2 to drive it and take treys, as god intended all 2s to do in BAD BALL.

    No, no, no, no, no, no, NO, ‘bate, this has an @HighEliteMajor conniption written all over it. Stop it, stop it, stop it, STOP IT!!!

    It is…oh, never mind. I will just get on with the blaspheming. Okay?

    Perry moves to the 3, as I have secretly been conspiring with ONI, CIA, NSA, MI-5&6, and Mossad since Perry’s freshman season to bring about. I can only say that microwave mind control devices are already being planted in Self’s residence and office, as we speak, to enable precisely this.

    Perry moves to 3 and…

    No, no, no, no, no, no, NO, ‘bate, your are HURTING US!!!

    Brannen Greene, who is probably as tall as Perry Ellis, spends the spring and summer in Hudy land and comes out looking like Andrew White III only more mobile and athletic and becomes our HYPER STRETCH 4. He rebounds a little less than Perry, but his bad footwork is masked by only having to stand around guarding power forwards on defense, which on the other end of the floor he runs into the cracks in the floors by constantly traversing the three point apron and making 46% of his treys, and so being pretty much able to drive it at will for as many short treys as he wants, as he makes practically every free throw. And of course Perry’s open looks from trey dramatically increase and his make rate increases sharply because he is not having to play so much chase as he did at stretch 4. Perry averages 42% from trey, plus he just takes his opponent to iron any time he wants to, because Brannen has pulled the other team’s four completely away from the basket leaving Perry free to drive on the opponent’s 5 and dish to whomever is open.

    In short order the combination of Perry and Brannen trey bombing at a blended average of 44%, and driving on the post man remaining in the paint, lead to a completely fouled up pair of opposing bigs AND a 15-18 point lead. Outcomes Perry, in comes Wayne, and outcomes Brannen, and incomes Jam Tray, and we defend the lead with Frank and Svi driving and trey bombing at 42%, while Jam Tray and Landen, or Jam Tray and whomever else is around, clog up the middle as much as possible.

    I have a dream…

    I say to you today, my board rats, so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the Jayhawk dream. I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its three point creed: “We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all trey balling men are created equal—that not one is shooting fool’s gold.”

    I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former jump hookers and the sons of former back to basket turn around j shooters will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood and say Brannen Greene made the world safe for trifectation.

    I have a dream that one day even the state of Kansas, a state sweltering with the heat of three point injustice, sweltering with the heat of three point oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of open 24 foot looks and corner shots.

    I have a dream that KU’s 8 man rotation will one day live in a Jayhawk nation where they will not be judged by the speed of their drives, or their inside trey percentage but by the content of their made treys.

    I have a dream…

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