Last Minute Predictions by 'batetradamus B4 the KU Beat Down of Kansas State Junior College

  • Olivia Wilde will only be at the game in my preservative states; that’s bad.

    Bruce Weber will crack and refuse to coach tonight and no one will notice that he is not there.

    Bill Self, succumbing to his focus on what matters most, will insist on having slightly darker hair plugs implanted in a pattern that reads “Man-up.”

    Snacks will enter Betty Ford to withdraw from Oreos.

    Scott Pollard will become the spokesperson for SpaceX.

    Chris Piper will take over as “before model” for “The Hair Club for Men,” while Jay Bilas will take over as the “after model” The Hair Club for Men will promptly go bankrupt.

    Ten OADs will commit to KU tonight and Self will announce that none will see much action next season.

    Kurtis will sell advertising space on his plasma screen cuff links.

    Norm Roberts will order a pizza delivered to the bench during the game and share it only with Fred Quartlebaum.

    adidas will announce it is getting out of the athletic shoe business and will begin designing Mars Mission chukkas.

    Greg Gurley will develop laryngitis and sign the game in English with one hand and a Crimean dialect Svi’s parents will recognize with the other. No one in the radio audience will realize it.

    Max Falkenstein will be found naked shortly after the game on the Vermillion River bridge in Onaga, KS reciting his broadcast of the 1988 national championship game.

    K-State will announce it is giving up basketball and converting the Octagon of Doom to a swine breeding barn without any retrofitting required.

    (Note: All fiction and humor. No malice. Neuter the kitties.)

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