Some Non Sequiturs More or Less about Basketball

  • Basketball not only obsoletes most planning five minutes after the action starts, it briefly stops men from thinking about sex.

    Confession of a former D1 ref: I refereed a game without fitting it in the broadcast window…once.

    It appears within stochastic possibility that Kentucky may have won more games the wrong way than some teams have won in all the years they have played basketball.

    If PetroShoeCos stack a team in the forest and no one is there to hear…is it unfair?

    Pot, children out of wedlock, paper classes, one year scholarships, coaches jumping and getting to coach, players transferring and having to sit, one and flush, OAD/TAD stacking—is this really the best set of trade-offs the media-gaming-shoeco-summer game-agency-university-athletic department complex can come up with?

    Defense starts offense, even after a made basket.

    Manning up? Danny cannot help but do that.

    I dunked on someone’s grille in a parking lot. He floored it and ran over me.

    Once you play outside in, you have to play inside out. And once you play inside out, you have to play outside in. Its hard to know where to start.

    Too many exercise their freedom of speech by telling others how to post.

    Without summer game trolls, would there be any disingenuous content on a basketball web site, at all?

    I try to think in the present, but when I do it is always past.

    While others debate tempo, I debate the probability of post game coitus.

    When basketball players disappear, where do they go?

    When Bill Raftery dies, will there be an oversupply of Bushmills?

    In Basketball Ecclesiastes, it says to over hyped OADs, “After every season return, return, return."

    There is no secret to restoring the mid range game: just add a 5-point stripe between the low blocks and the three point stripe.

    I am never bored watching a basketball game. When the action slows I imagine giant space ships from War of the Worlds crashing into the roof of Allen Field House and alien cameras with tripartite lenses snaking down to look at cheerleaders décolletage.

    Does Chris Piper’s glass company offer a stein with male pattern baldness?

    Are Jay Bilas and Chris Piper the love children of DickVitale?

    Some say basketball is a microcosm of life. I say it is a microcosm of life and death.

    If you think too hard about basketball, you will get a head ache that no amount of accurate prediction can relieve.

    Which is best: fewer chances to score each contributing a greater percentage to the final score, or more chances to score each contributing a smaller percentage to the final score, or being stacked ten deep in Mickey Ds by a PetroShoeCo paying you beau coup bands to brand them 20 minutes per game till they jump?

    Good dorms, small play books, good health, and PetroShoeCo talent stacking—these appear the current ingredients for success in college basketball.

    Is Self no longer playing Svi because Putin scrapped his South Stream Gas Pipeline under the Black Sea and made the Ukraine safe for professional basketball again?

    No matter how minds try to simplify the game, basketball remains emergent complexity on 4,700 square feet of wood with two goals to give one purpose in offending and defending.

    (Note: All fiction and/or satire. No malice.)

  • If a male basketball player has an operation to become a female basketball player and wrote about it, would her book be called “Basketball Without Balls”?

  • @wissoxfan83


  • “Are Jay Bilas and Chris Piper the love children of DickVitale?”

    Who are the women?

  • @HighEliteMajor

    I don’t know, but they must be tall! 🙂

  • If Tuesday Welds married Hal March the II, she’d be Tuesday, March the II. If Judy Garland married Howdy Duty, she’d be Judy Duty.

  • KU’s new Men’s and Women’s Basketball dorm.


  • If David Chang married Connie Chung, they could have a son who covered Tennis for ESPN named Ching Chang Chung. (Going for a laugh-no malice .)

  • @wrwlumpy When were you at my house?

  • Number 11 hangs in the balance.

    When you step on the brakes, your life rests in your foot’s hands. - George Carlin.


  • @HighEliteMajor Glad you asked that - the girl was a PTP’er , a real diaper dandy who didn’t mean to get involved with a one-eyed used car salesman, so after the tenth shot of Tequila, she went dipsy doo- dunkaroo …Vitale went straight to the hoop, and after 30 years of being rejected and denied, he slipped the kiss off the backboard…

  • The wealthy Morrii from Bobble head night.


  • @KUSTEVE awesome!

  • 52 million split two ways-not bad.

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