Beneath the Headlinz...
ESPN: NCAA rules UCLA freshman Bolden ineligible
JSPN: Alford’s Top Ten Recruiting Class Suddenly Top Twenty…or Thirty.
ESPN: Illini PG Abrams tears ACL, out for season
JSPN: Senior Abrams swaps 22 for 23 the hard way
ESPN: Texas suspends Walker after assault charge
JSPN: Texas loses a sub to an alleged jealous rage involving 4 alleged punches of a woman after she reputedly went to happy hour with her boss–what allegedly happened to reputed manhood?
ESPN: Memphis recruit reclassifies for Class of 2015
JSPN: Pastner signed one 6-7 Lawson brother without hiring poppa as a coach, but then hired poppa and signed his 6-8 second son. Linkage? We don’t need no stinking linkage!!!
ESPN: Villanova gets No. 22 Brunson
JSPN: Snacks loses an Illini prospect to Jay Wrong: what is right with this picture? Absolutely nuthin’! Say it again.
ESPN: Sources: Calipari planning UK-only combine
JSPN: Who stacked Cal’s Nikecats with 9 Mickey Ds, including a front line of footer Towns, footer Cauley-Stein, and 6-11 Dakari to go with the 6-6 Harrison twin guards plus power forward Pothyress. Was it adidas? It would appear unlikely. Was it Under Armour? Hmm, seems unlikely. Who could it be then? Hmmm? Who could stack the Nikecats with that much talent? Is there more smoke here than a three alarm fire, or is it a one in a Graham Number random chance that all this talent shows up in a single season attracted to mousse? Even Coal Miners Canaries and Car Assemblers’s Ostriches with Heads in tar sands and fracking cracks have to watch their breaths around this roster.
ESPN: New Mexico coach gets $5.7M, 6-year contract
JSPN: Craig Neal can’t crack an even mil per year in the Land of Enchantment. What is enchanting about that?
ESPN: Two men want Boeheim slander suit reinstated
JSPN: You can’t keep a good scandal down!
ESPN: Wake Forest adds NFL star Crabtree’s brother
JSPN: Danny signs his fourth. Go, Danny, go!!!
ESPN: Austin Peay PG Smith gets half-season ban
JSPN: School apparently does not disclose cause of 14 game suspension. Disclosures? We don’t need no stinking disclosures!
ESPN: Christie: Casinos, tracks can take sports bets
JSPN: Prez candidacy in trouble, Christie Lobs One to Big Gaming, so Big Vinnie and Vito get out the deceased vote? Gee, I wonder if that’s why Lebron went to a team owned by a guy that owns casinos? Its all too complicated to figure out, isn’t it?
ESPN: Attorneys: Wojcik, Charleston reach settlement JSPN: School apparently says what Woj didn’t do, not what Woj did do, then settles. Hey, who needs to know anything about anything in the Post 9/11 era, right? Shizz happens, then you settlement.
ESPN: Marquette names Scholl new athletic director
JSPN: AD Sholl leaves Ball State after a year and a half for Marquette, but players have to lay out a year and lose a year of eligibility–makes sense to me–in a parallel, flipping, inverse universe maybe.
(Note: all satire. No malice.)