SOON TO BE PUBLISHED FAKE BASKETBALL BOOKS
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Fake Basketball Books Coming Out Soon
“Winning with Operable Injuries” by Gill Innerperson, chapters on Leeth Klangford, Casha Pawn, Viral Seed, Davis Ankleford, Prophet Bombsome, Raul Brokeback, Shane Welden, and Granville Treen. Learn when simply not to report operable injuries to catch opponents by surprise and avoid uncomfortable questions about playing with operable injuries. Learn the effective spin terms liked “nicked up” for characterizing operable injuries being “played through.”
“Cheap Shotting for Championships The Coach Mik Way,” by Ike Miklishzevski; chapters on the Adams apple chop, the forehead elbow crack, the karate chop to the temple, the right or left nut kick, the stiff screen, the trip from behind, the trip from the side, the trip from in front, the up-ending on the drive, plus kicking and falling on opponents when they are down. The book also contains a chapter on arranging field trips for the team to Guantánamo Bay torture prison and School of the Americas torture training school for teaching U.S. Army torture techniques that are adaptable to Division I basketball.
“Coaching Not to Know,” by Yon Dingleaberry; learn plausible deniability the Coach Dingle way. Get the benefits of ringers and none of the personal career costs. Learn how to time motion plays relative to vacated seasons. Don’t let NCAA investigations put a damper on recruiting. And it’s all legal.
“A Guide to Mid Major Exits to Stack Schools,” by Stumpy Grinder and Schlocka Dolt; learn how to jump from a mid major straight to a planned elite major soon to be stacked by a Big Shoe-Agent complex without ever having to pay dues at a lesser major!! Learn how to sign more and better players than coaches far better than yourself do. Learn five certain signs of a planned stack school.
(Note: these are all satiric fictions. No malice!)
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LOL
I would add a knockoff booklet for JR High bBall kids. How to grab, hold, and pull jerseys when the ref can’t see
Special one page flyer to slow soccer defenders to teach pulling jerseys and arms when burned by a fast break forward-again while their body blocks the refs view-it makes me think they teach refs that players on breakaways will always trip and fall down by themselves and the defender never did anything. (Something very easy to see from the angle on the sidelines.)
And if I may -I’d like to admit something about your signature line.
When I ran the Sales & Marketing department I ALWAYS told my crew, This is me, this is who we are, what you see is what you get. Always pass on bad news (like missed delivery forecast as soon as you know so folks can plan around it.) Don’t guess, say “I don’t know.” And never over promise.
As for the competitors- keep them guessing. I can remember a couple of fibs - like when ask about our annual sales figures when we were privately held.
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Maybe add in the “open-hand cup check.” I remember EJ perfected it well. Wasn’t that in a March game?
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@drgnslayr It was against Michigan early in the game. I was there in Dallas and the crowd had zero explanation what had happened. I made a mental note-when I get home check the DVR for anything happening before and there it was. A minute before, Mitch set a high pick near the free throw line. Just as the Michigan guard EJ was defending got to the pick he shoved EJ hard-right into Mitch. His head snapped back in whiplash-the result of a choreographed stunt. EJ tried to get back and got caught.
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I don’t agree with it, but it sure understand it. If I had my thinking cap on at the time I would have posted it on you tube and sent a copy to ESPN. Something like "if your going to call one cheap shot , call them both.
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Agree on the jr high kids.
